i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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