he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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