Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
