I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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