my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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