You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
