her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
