Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
