I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
