Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
