I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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