She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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