also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
