they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he had hair everywhere except his balls
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
