hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Randomize
