bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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