Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
don't judge my taste in strippers
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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