Will you blow on my dice?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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