Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
