You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
