Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
