I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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