Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize