We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
