His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
