Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
