I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize