Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
