I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
