Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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