I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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