i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
