I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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