I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
