Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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