The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
