I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
