anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
