Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
