Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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