I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
