Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize