I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
