Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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