i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
