btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
