sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
