Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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