Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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