I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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