when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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