When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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