She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize