She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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