can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
