when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
