We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
