in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
