She's JV to your varsity
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
