why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
