I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize