I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
