I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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