I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
