she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
