weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
