why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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