she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
