She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I just found a bag of teeth...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
