Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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