Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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