Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
