Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
