Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
